May 13, 2009

for my dad.


oh, it's that day - it wouldn't be the only day of the year that i get this feeling in my stomach when i wake up until i fall asleep that night. today makes it 7 years since my amazing dad was taken away from us way too soon.

james ian ross
november 17th 1946 - may 13 2002
♥ forever in our hearts, always on our minds.

it's crazy, you know...how seven whole years can go by and it can still feel like yesterday that i came home and saw my dad having a nap on the couch after work, or sitting on a lawn chair in the garage with a huge smile on. although on one hand it only feels like yesterday, on the other - it feels like it's been so long since i've been able to laugh with him, or have a goodnight hug, or snicker at some funny suggestion for the night's dinner. when you lose someone, you lose them in pieces, and i know no matter how long it's been, i couldn't possibly forget all of the memories of my dad in my lifetime.

i still think of him every day. even on days when i think there's a chance he hasn't crossed my mind, i know that atleast for one second, someone or something reminded me of him - and that will never change. i love seeing little pieces of him everywhere, and in all i do, it's a comforting feeling.

i often think of the times in the past that i shared with my dad. but lately, i find myself thinking of the future, as much as the past. i just always wonder what he would think of me now, or what he'd think about all i've done since he's been gone. i wish he could meet pete, and that two of the most important people in my life could see in the other person exactly why i feel the way i do about them. i wish he could see my brother get married this summer, and meet lindsey who i know he'd adore so much. i wonder if he'd be retired now, and doing all sorts of creative projects around the house. i wonder if he'd want to go on a trip to visit my uncle in thailand. whenever i think about my wedding, i wish he'd be able to walk me down the aisle. as much as these are all hard things to imagine - there's something about having your own angel that makes going through this possible.

some days. i get a random memory of when i was a kid and shared an amazing time with my dad - i love that after so many years, you can still faintly paint a picture of your childhood. we'll always have - snigen wigen, princess of stonepath, dubble bubble gum, pancakes in all shapes and sizes, banana cream pie, mcmerge, "yeah yeah, yeah yeah", go steelers, top shelf where they keep the peanut butter, here there & everywhere, the rollingstones, she's like a rainbow, love me do, the black sox,
the bowling alley. tickity boo, grolsch, and so much more.

something beautiful ; my mom and dad's wedding song is 'here,there and everywhere' by the beatles. if you haven't heard it before, i suggest you listen to it ; it's so amazing. a total "i'm in love" song. so today my uncle johnny turned on the radio at lunch and would ya look at that? my mom and dad's wedding song came on! okay, i know it seems silly..but how cool is it when stuff like that happens? my mom said she's probably only heard it on the radio about one time before. it's not one of the beatles song that you hear all the time. i thought that was so cute.

it's almost become a tradition that i write a little tribute to my dad on this day every year, and i like that. i like to tell everyone how amazing my dad was, and i am so lucky to of had him for all the years i did.

love you daddy! yesterday and today, tomorrow and forever.
i love you more than anything.

4 comments:

  1. big hug!
    and
    powerful positive vibes.

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  2. thanks lynne! you're a sweetheart!

    xo

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  3. this made me cry, i don't know how you do it jujubes...you are such a strong person.

    love.love.love

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  4. this made me cry too! your outlook on it is very inspiring though.

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you are so cute! thanks for commenting:)